Day 29

So I have been on a little hiatus, but it is all good.  My perfect husband will want intimacy.  Intimacy is not sex but being close and on one accord. 

Day 25

"And even after all my logic and my theory, I add a muthaf**ker so you ignant niggas hear me."

-Zealots

The Fugees

Lauryn Hill's Verse

I really want my future husband to be able to move from culture to culture and still fit it.  This man in this video, speaks very Black Urban but he is also very intelligent in what he is saying.  

I know, this isn't exactly how I envision my perfect husband but bear/bare with me.

Below would definitely be another side!

Day 23

Please take a moment and listen to the following songs:

I can honestly say that I used to listen to Belle Perez's song "Hello World" everyday before I went to school.

I want my perfect husband to understand that I am me and to love me for me.  This post is pretty self-explanatory.

Day 22- SideNote

True Love can NEVER forsake you!

This has been my favorite song since it came out.   I always thought I knew what she was talking it but after this past relationship, if we can even call if that, I truly understand what she was singing about.  

I want my husband to be able to recognize TRUE LOVE!

I believe that I had to go through this last relationship so that I could realize what True Love was versus what lust is. Or even better, I was in love with the idea of true love.  

Whether my husband has to go through what I had to endure to realize what true love is or if he just innately can, I want him to be able to recognize it.  

Day 21

So, today has been very hectic but I made it!  I want a man who is in tune with God.  I need a husband who understands that it is okay, as a matter of fact, a great thing to cry out to the Lord.

A man that realizes that he is absolutely NOTHING without the Lord God, is the correct man for me.  :)

That sums up this post.

Day 20

My apologies:  I am sincerely sorry that for the past two weeks my posts have been sporadic, at best.  I have been suffering with my Crohn's Disease flare ups.  They really suck but I have promised myself that I will try to keep up with life.

I washed my hair yesterday.  And my naturally curly coif was just as beautiful as I remembered.  I have been battling within myself about my hair.  Whether to rock my curly fro or keep that Dominican Blow Out!  I have decided to do either.  I will do what I feel like and not let society dictate how I rock my hair.  Boaw!

Please watch this following clip:

I want my husband to be pro-black, pro-people, pro-diversity, and pro-multicultural.  I think it is very important to be conscious of our past.  It doesn't matter if you are black, white, Mexican, Chinese, etc.  Respect your past and your ancestors.

Respect your women.

I will definitely be elaborating on this throughout the month of October, so please stay posted, and again, I apologize for my absence.  

Day 18

No, silly Billy, I didn't forget about you!  I have Crohn's Disease and I was ill this week.

Ponder this:


It fits, but it won’t open the damn door,
No matter how hard I jerk and jiggle the key.
And, yet, you insist that this is the right one
But, take it and try to open the door, you’ll see.

You’ve made a mistake this time,
And I say this with the utmost respect.
You either gave me the “wrong” key
Or this “right” key has a defect.

So spare me the litany of questions
Because I’m frustrated and I’m tired
Yes, I inserted, turned, but it wouldn’t open
Not that much thought was required.

It’s clear I’m not getting far here,
So, I’ll go back, on my own, and try once more.
Because you’re wrong – there’s a problem with this key
I think I tried the right door.

written by Stephanie G. Johnson

Day 13

My Perfect Husband will be aggressive but not overly aggressive a.k.a. Rough for No Reason!

Story-time:

So last night I went to a party and after a few drinks I decided that it was time to dance.  I danced and danced and danced until finally I danced with this one guy who will remain nameless.  He danced with me like he would never get another dance again and after that dance, he won't get another one from me.  Instead of me letting control the dance, this tall, wobbly, dude pelvic thrusted me, which caused me to fall.  Of course, everyone wanted me to get right up and find somewhere to sit because they thought I was drunk- I was-  BUT that isn't why I fell.  I was pushed- or thrusted. :(  Whatever it was it was absolutely unnecessary.  Needless to say, it completely turned me off from him.  He will be lucky if he gets a hello or goodbye from me ever again.

Moral of the story:  Don't ever pelvic thrust me when dancing, idiot!

Funny YouTube Video:

Day 11

PASSION

My perfect husband will be passionate.  

The thing about passion is that you might not recognize it because everyone shows passion a different way.  I am a passionate woman about most things, especially my love, and I need for that guy to be the same way.   

"They say love and insanity are somewhat related..."

I think those two are identical twins and their mother is passion.

I just want my husband to be passionate about all his endeavours!

I will go more in depth on passion later.  

Day 10

Good News:  I am now a SafeSite for The Great American Condom Campaign which promotes SafeSex amongst college students.  :)

So what do I want from my guy? Hmm...

I want him to be ambitious.  I want him to think that the sky is truly the limit.  I want to be able to stand by my man and give him that look.

You know, the one Michelle gave to President Obama during the inauguration.
I want for my man to strive to be the best that he can be, and when he reaches that point, I want to be the first one to praise him for a job well done.  :)

Well, my loves, that is really all for now... It is time for me to daydream and think about the "What Ifs?"     

Day 9

Please watch the following video:

My perfect husband is FAITHFUL!  I cannot stress this enough. The guy that I give my heart to has to be extremely faithful.  My last relationship ended similar to what Usher is singing about.  Although Usher just shows his side of the story, there is a lot of heartbreak and self-reflection that comes from such unfaithfulness on the woman's side as well. tsk tsk tsk.  Oh well.  Such is life. Trust I will be posting a note about this whole situation at a later date, I am still healing.  :)

No, this has not left me with extreme trust issues.  But I would like to know where my man is now, I mean when I get a man... lol.

I think that a man being faithful is key to a relationship succeeding.   Faithfulness is more than just not cheating sexually with a female; cheating can be emotional.  Faithfulness also means staying committed. 

Welp, my loves, I do not want to take up all your time so I will leave you with this kind of random song.

Kinda Random: My sister said the following song reminded her of me because I like to know...
"Where you at Wale? Where is that Wale?  Who you with Wale?... You the ish Wale!"

Day 8

Whoa! So where is day 6 and day 7?  They had a party and didn't invite you.  No, seriously, they did!

So I didn't write a Day 6 and Day 7 because I was busy and sick.  That is just the nature of the beast that I am dealing with.

Day 8:  My perfect husband must be understanding.  I don't like talking about it and I don't like even referring to it, but since it is always with me I usually have to address it at some point.  I have Crohn's Disease!

What is that?
 Ha, I thought you would never ask!  Crohn's Disease is a chronic illness that can randomly come and eFF stuff up.  That is my definition of it. 

For more information:
Crohn's Disease- National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse
Crohn's Disease- Mayo Clinic
Crohn's Disease- Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America

For my take on it:
My View on Crohn's Disease

Back to the point of it all, because I do have a chronic illness the guy that I marry needs to be a little more understanding than the average guy.

For example, I gain and lose weight in the blink of an eye (which by the way is so annoying), so the guy that I eventually marry will have to understand that I will try my best to be as healthy and as fit as possible but it is only so much that I can do.  Also, this means that my wardrobe is a lot bigger than the average females because I have to buy clothes for every size that I am and every season!  ;)

 Also, understanding can take you far in a relationship.  With that being said, I would like for my perfect husband to understand that I am Claire Ayrica and the things surrounding me do not define me.  I abhor being played to the left because I have a disease.  Don't do that!  I am very capable of succeeding in everyday life. 

So my perfect husband, you definitely have to be understanding and I will be understanding as well!

Day 5

Please watch the following clip:

My perfect husband has to be informed.

I believe that becoming informed is one of the first steps in becoming a responsible stewart of what God has given you.  If you noticed on the clip, 21% of the world lives on less than $1.25 per day, to me that is a crazy number because of how wasteful I am as a person. 

Before I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, I planned on joining the PeaceCorps or City Year to volunteer and impact the world around me; my husband needs to have a heart similar to that.  And again, the first step is to be informed.  If you don't have the knowledge, you cannot change anything mainly because you do not know what is wrong!

Hopefully, that video gave you a lot to think about, so I will let you ponder on that.

Love you much,

Claire Ayrica

Day 4

This has been a very interesting and busy day for me because I misplaced my wallet... on my bed.  I thought I packed it in my briefcase but when I got to class, it wasn't there.  I went back and forth looking for my wallet, just to realize that it was on my bed the whole entire time.  Sigh.

My perfect husband will be organized.  I usually have organized chaos and it would be so nice to have a husband who could keep things organized.  I think it is so pleasant to walk into a guys living quarters and see it very tidy and organized.  NOTE: There is a difference between organized and living with the bare minimum.

By the way, I am still in a slump about the whole Troy Davis murder. So I do apologize for this entry being so short but tomorrow's will be very interesting, with YouTube clips and everything! 

Day 3

In light of the recent events with Troy Davis, I would like for my perfect husband to be just.

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of just is...

 a (1) : acting or being in conformity with what is morally upright or good  <a just war> (2) : being what is merited <a just punishment>

b : legally correct : <just title to an estate>

I know that it is one thing to be just and another thing to be an activist, which is another day, but you can be an activist without being just.  There are plenty of causes that people are standing for that are not necessarily "morally upright or good."  

Today, I am not in the best of moods.  I am upset, hurt, pissed, frustrated, saddened, disappointed and overall down about the outcome of Troy Davis' case.  These are emotions that I don't want my perfect husband to cause in my relationship with him. I understand that these emotions come and go with the days but in the pit of my stomach I am feeling these.  Honestly, I am trying to calm these emotions down because all of these emotions, for me, lead to stress, which lead to a hospital visit.

My perfect husband has to be comforting.  I know I said I was doing one quality a day but today is just the most.  I am not sure if Troy Davis was guilty or innocent, but I do know 7/9 witnesses recanted their testimony.  I know that 1/9 witnesses has not spoken on this issue from 20 years.  I know that 1/9 was also suspected of the crime and has admitted to the murder to a "friend" during a drunken rant.  

I am rambling tonight but if you know me, you know that #1 this is normal and #2 I am disturbed by Georgia killing Troy Davis.  

Closing Thought:

My perfect husband would be comforting and just.  He would have wanted Troy Davis to be granted clemency, so that the real murderer could be found and all families involved would have peace.  He would have been comforting me during this saddening hour.

Rest In God's Home Troy Davis:  

10/9/1968- 9/21/2011 

mind you he spent most of 20 years of his life in jail.  :(

Day 2

An Intellectual:

Wooooweeee!  While I do believe that it is imperative that a man have a silly side to him, I also want a man that I can vibe with on the deeper issues. 

i.e.

• Today, the Georgia Parole Board denied Troy Davis clemency.  It is such a tragically sad event, the whole situation from August 1989 to present day has been tragically sad.    
• Sometimes I wonder about heaven and hell, angels and demons, God and Satan, and the stars and the sea. 
• Other times, I think about success and what that means to me.

I need a husband that can have those intellectual conversations with me instead of just the very shallow conversations, which are needed as well.

I’m not sure if you all have ever seen one of the Kings of Comedy, Cedric the Entertainer, in the movie Be Cool, BUT in that movie he does a monologue that shows a very intellectual side of his character. 

                                             The first is a clip of his monologue in "Be Cool."

This is a clip of him doing stand-up comedy.

                                         

So although this is a short blog, it is just my random thought.  The future hubby needs to be an intellectual.  #thatisall

Day 1

So this is more difficult than I thought it would be and it is only day one.  How hilarious.  Ever since I decided to start this journey I have been thinking about the first quality that I would love for my husband to have.  I kept beating around the bush and saying, “Oh silly, the quality will pop right out of your head,” but at the same time, I was trying to avoid saying that the first thing that I would like for my husband to be is a Christian.  Well, after trying to avoid it.  Here it is.  My husband needs to be a Christian, and preferably Baptist too!

Now I understand right there, I have just disqualified a lot of people but as I continue to strive to be the best that I can be in Christ, I realize that I cannot marry a man whose religious convictions are different than mine.  Being apart of the church has been a big part of my life and has really helped to shape me into the person that I am today, sans the bad parts.  But I do realize that I would be nowhere without the blood of Jesus.  And that is real.

If my husband is a true Christian he understands that divorce is not okay, he understands the idea of a helpmate, he understands the idea of being a submissive wife does not mean I go get him a beer from the kitchen when the game is on. 

For me, having a husband who is a true Christian means that he encompasses or is continually trying to attain most of the aspects of a man that I am completely in love with already, Jesus Christ.

So honestly, day 1 does equal my #1, my husband must be a Christian.

Disclaimer: No, this whole blog is not going to be all “churchy” because real Christians aren’t “churchy,” in my humble opinion. 

A few verses come to my mind when I think about marriage, Christ and why it is so important to be one under God.

·        2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

·          1 Corinthians 7 ¹Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^[a]2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶ I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷ I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ⁸ So I say to those who aren't married and to widows—it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. ⁹ But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust. ¹⁰But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord.^[b]A wife must not leave her husband. ¹¹But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. ¹² Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man^[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. ¹³ And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. ¹⁴ For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ¹⁵(But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) ¹⁶Don't you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don't you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?¹⁷Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.

·        Gen. 2:18, 21-24 The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'...and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.   Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

·        1 Peter 3:1-5, 7 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.  Don't be concerned about the outward beauty ... You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God ... In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.

·        Eph. 5:23-32 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body. As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

·        Matthew 19:4-9  "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

  

365 Days of Qualities

*disclaimer: I am telling this from a female’s perspective.

A lot of us young people go out into the world and just date. Simply date with no real purpose. For instance, if we see a guy, find him attractive, and he likes us as well, we usually become a couple. There is hardly a time period where the people are trying to become friends and if there is a period like that, usually, the female is so consumed on the man’s words and temporary actions that she truly doesn’t get to know him.

I am guilty and either you are guilty or someone close to you is.

More often than not, this results in heartbreak because the two individuals really weren’t all that compatible. Yes, you might have put the time and effort in BUT what did you put the time and effort into? Did you ask all the right questions? (Now sometimes ladies, we can ask all the right questions and still be lied to.) Do you know where he sees himself in 10 years? Does he want kids? How does he feel about premarital sex? Does he believe in traditional gender roles when it comes to marriage? Would he be content making less than $100,000 at the age of 40? How often does he talk to his mother? Are his parents still together? And this, my friend, is not EVEN the tip of the iceberg. This is an ice cube.
Well wait, think about this. Do you even know the answers to these questions for yourself? If you stand for nothing, then you will fall for anything. If you don’t even know the answers to these questions, then how do you expect to know if you are compatible with him?

So ladies, and gents, instead of facing this heartbreak over and over again, I have come up with a plan. For the next 365 days, I will be keeping a journal about what type of man I want, along with what type of woman I want to become. I plan on doing this consistently and not dating until I have this list compiled. I will already admit that some things on this list will be pure aesthetics about my future husband. i.e. He must be at a certain height. But for the most part, it will be show me what qualities I am lacking and what my husband needs to have.

Be prepared to be wowed because sometimes I am shallow and then other times I am too deep.

Much Love,

Claire Ayrica

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